There is a place in modern society for old fashioned funerals

My mother-in-law offered me a piece of advice: If a family member says they don’t want a funeral after they die, ignore them.

The funeral is not for the dead. It is for the living, she said adamantly.

This may not be a typical topic of conversation for the Thanksgiving dinner table, but I wholeheartedly believe that while discussing things to be grateful for (the in-laws agreed it was that we are living in a Trumpless Canada) there is room to note what we are not thankful for, and that is a disturbing trend away from the traditional funeral.

Days later my side of the family gathered for a send off to my mother’s aunt. It was a sad day for her son and his family but overall the funeral was the best of its kind, when family gets together to share stories, and there is lots of laughter to go with the tears. At these types of gatherings, you’ll always hear people saying that they only seem to see each other at weddings and funerals.

It is astonishing that there is always something to be learned about a dear friend or family member at their funeral. You wonder how it is you hadn’t known.

Saying goodbye to someone who has lived a long, full life is much easier than saying goodbye to someone whose life has been cut short, but regardless of the circumstances, there is something in us that makes people want to come together.

Yes, funerals can be expensive but they can be tailored to suit. Not knowing the stats on funerals, this observation about a changing attitude toward funerals is anecdotal. It can be said with some certainty that there is a shift toward celebrations of life, perhaps a while after cremation has taken place. This type of gathering fully meets the goal of creating an opportunity for fellowship, so people can mark the end of someone’s life as part of the grieving process.

The in-laws agreed that a mighty party with a full buffet and an open bar is the best way to be sent off to the afterlife, or the next. Heck, you’re not footing the bill.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them about the grandiose send-off I have in mind for my own funeral (they already think I am a bit strange) but my son has been given strict instructions for a very traditional funeral – so traditional it may not be legal.

We are always encouraged to talk to our loved ones about what we want for our funeral but maybe we should be asking them, what they want because mother-in-law is right. The funeral is for them.

So, it seems there are two conversations that need to take place. The first is about what is to be done with the body. Are there strong opinions about traditional burial, cremation or some of the newer techniques like green burials, which our columnist Cat Flack wrote about not too long ago? As for the send-off, maybe we should defer to the grievers.

-The editor.