Go fly a kite!
By Andy Barrie
Do you ever get into a situation where some stranger is struggling over a problem you know something about, and you can’t decide whether to stick in your two cents’ worth or just mind your own business? I get this way in stores when I see people about to buy a product I know is junk. I get this way when I see tourists heading into a trap. And I get this way when I see fathers struggling to fly a kite.
There was a time when I, too, regularly humiliated myself in the kite-flying department. The local kids would laugh themselves silly as I struggled with my string. But then one day, up marched a man who was an absolute kite fanatic. He had hundreds of them, and he had dedicated himself to teaching turkeys like me how. He taught me that breezes are right for kite-flying. Seriously windy? Not. He taught me never to run with a kite. He explained that the best thing for you to do is stand in one place, and send someone else 100 yards downwind with the kite. They hold the kite pointing up in the air, and wait for your signal. When you shout, the kite holder lets go and the kite flyer – that’s you – starts pulling the string through your hands, just letting it pile onto the ground in front of you. As you do this, the kite will rise, and when it gets above the tree tops, where the wind is nice and steady, you start playing out the string again till it gets as high as you want it to. Generally, your kite will go where it’s pointed when either a gust comes along or you tug on the sting. If it’s pointing toward trouble – the ground or a tree – start paying out string like crazy, until the kite points skyward again. Then as you tighten the string, it will rise again.
When my kite guru taught me these things, he made me pledge that I, too, would use my knowledge to fight evil – like snarled string and kite-eating trees. So now I find myself roaming around looking for frantic fathers who are running all over the place trying not to look like idiots. When I find them, running their hearts out and cursing their kites, I rescue them, just as my kite guru once rescued me. Once they’ve overcome their aeronautical impotence and actually have it up, my job is done.
So off with you to Cardboard Castles, and tell ’em Andy sent you…
