What to do with the kids during isolation?
Did you ever wish that life would just stop – that you could get off the train and take a break for awhile. Well, you’re here. And if you are a parent, the children are with you! That might not have been part of the fantasy but do be careful what you wish for. What to do with them with no day camps, no play dates, no libraries, and none of their organized activities to back us up? Aside from the library, that is how I grew up, with a black and white TV with three channels as a bonus. As you may have guessed, I am “granny-age.” And we just spent the first half of March Break with four beloved grandkids. At the risk of giving armchair granny advice, here is what I noticed.
They can be so much fun, so lovely, so obnoxious, and so much work. From making food that they all will eat, to playing games, setting limits on their screen time, refereeing fights, and coming up with craft activities, it was tiring. And towards the end of this visit vague memories of an unsettling parenting perma-grump were coming back to me. A fixed facial expression of distaste, a tone of annoyance in every response, and the word “NO” leaping to my lips unbidden. The perma-grump is an awful parenting affliction that comes from doing too much without a break. And yet ironically, here you are at the beginning of what might be a long break, full of dread, and then full of guilt for dreading being with your children. Don’t despair – you are probably normal, and you do need a break, but this “break” is going to give you a run for your money if you are not careful. In the words of Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.
There are four pieces in a puzzle that should all fit together to help shift your attitude. The first piece is to let go of any agenda that you may have about what you think needs to be done. I’m not joking – stay with me. Second, notice your grumpy tone and expression and intentionally change it. It is a habit and it makes your children more needy, more argumentative, and requiring more of your time and intervention. The third piece is to redefine your role. Your job is not to entertain them, but to feed them and structure the space and time so that they can entertain themselves with supervision. It will take a few days of refereeing, but they will get the hang of it and find their creativity. Use screen time sparingly, and strategically – it is a privilege that needs to be earned. And don’t forget to send them into the great outdoors. The final piece of the puzzle is to enjoy them. This is a precious time for those of us who are fortunate enough to be healthy and at home. When you enjoy your children both you and they will feel more whole, and less burnt out. Get this four-part formula down and you may find yourself with more energy and more time to get some stuff done for you! Paradoxically, it all starts with letting go!
Liz van Ryn is a Registered Psychotherapist providing online therapy and parent consultation at www.creeksidetherapy.ca.
