Holiday exclusive: Tariff threats could impact North Pole
by Marsha Mallow
The North Pole’s top elf fears the incoming U.S. president’s tariff threats may have unforeseen consequences on Christmases to come.
President-elect Donald Trump has said that on his first day back in office he would impose 25 per cent tariffs on goods coming in from Canada and Mexico unless both countries stop what he called an ‘invasion’ of drugs and people illegally crossing the border.
Upon hearing the news, Santa Claus set off immediately for Mar A Lago to advocate for the North Pole’s historic free-trade status. Sources inside the Palm Beach residence described the meeting as “frosty.” Claus was overheard saying, “Donny! I thought we’d got you on the straight and narrow after NAFTA and now here you are back on my naughty list.”
Trump’s tariff threats impact the toys made in Santa’s workshop. Claus proceeded to point out that the North Pole is considered to be part of Canada and that his operations would be impacted if Trump were to go ahead with his threat.
The tariffs are estimated to cost The North Pole gazillions of dollars considering Claus sends goods out to 2.2 billion children on Christmas Eve.
Claus was heard asking, “What am I supposed to do? We don’t even use currency in The North Pole – other than milk and cookies.”
Although 99.9 per cent of toys are produced using raw materials found in The North Pole, namely magic, some materials, like batteries, are imported, further increasing costs.
Claus, who generally adopts a borderless global world view, says The North Pole is on the least patrolled border in Canada but maintains that the rhetoric about so-called invasions have been grossly exaggerated.
Nevertheless, the elves, who are an undocumented people in the truest sense, have formed a coalition and have hired immigration lawyers to help them navigate the process of naturalizing in The North Pole. They are also taking the extra step of getting papers for the reindeer.
“One cannot be too careful these days,” said Peppermint Twist, senior communications specialist for the coalition.
Claus said, with Trump taking office in January, this Christmas will not be affected but he will be working with his top strategists to ensure minimal impact on Christmas 2025. With the Canadian government in complete upheaval, Claus said he isn’t certain where his enterprise fits in to the Team Canada response to Trump’s threats but he will help where he can, for the benefit of the children.
