Wrangling the Blues Brothers, a smelly business

 In Opinion

Ahhh, Sunday mornings, the one day of the week I like to lounge in bed having a leisurely cup of tea and read the New York review of books.  But, living with the CEO, this is not always the pleasant outcome of the morning. This particular Sunday morning the CEO (having just returned from the Shell Clutch Coffee Club) told me in a stern and commanding tone that I needed to remove my mesh fencing that had circled the wee pasture where the sheep, donkeys and alpaca had spent their summer vacay. Funny how the electric fence never got plugged in this past year, then again not funny when the gang just walks through the mesh fencing to get to the what always looks greener on the other side of the fence.

One particular week day morning the kid said, “Jake and Elwood are standing by the car”. What? I looked out the window and sure enough there were the Blues Brothers standing there. I stuck my feet into my new slip on shoes and wrapped my dressing gown about me. They were easy to get a hold of and walk back to the barn, yep, famous last words. Jake the smaller of the two simply trotted off with a devil may care attitude.  Elwood, the large and slightly less smart one, followed a little slower.

I went to lunge at him and slipped through a pile of dog doo, which had escaped my eagle eye due to the length of the grass. Down on my knees I went, the scent of dog doo wafting up.

Setting my mouth into a grim line I went to get some corn in a bucket that usually does the trick.  I managed to get a halter and lead rope on Elwood and try to lead him back to the barn, he was having none of it. I tried to get him turned around to lead him back but he simply stepped into me and down again I went… this time other knee in pile of dog doo.  As I lay on the ground trying to get my now soaking wet feet under me I did what any frustrated girl would do, start to cry. Then those tears turned to rage and I went to get the big gun. Big blue, the CEO’S ATV; he had just bought it brand new that spring, I hadn’t really had a chance to get acquainted with it, what with all the fancy new stuff. I did however know how to turn the key and rev it up.  By this time the donkeys (and Alpaca) had made their way to the back hay field.  The hay was due to be cut so was quite tall and very wet. Elwood was the only one that I had a halter and rope on so I managed to steer the ATV close enough to the rope to drive on it and bring Elwood to a stop.  I grabbed onto the rope and tied it to the back rack of the brand new ATV.  I could only get the rope to reach the one side so tied it up as tight as I could and proceeded to gun it to get the big guy back to the direction of the barn. Funny thing how a 1000 pound donkey putting all its four brakes on can make an ATV go round and round in a circle, getting absolutely nowhere.  I tried again and again, dressing gown flapping madly in the wind, the smell of dog doo wafting up and my feet starting to freeze from being so wet.  In total frustration on both my part and Elwood’s I tried even harder to get him going.  The CEO should have bought a bigger ATV.  Then there was the sudden release and I really took off flying, the halter had snapped. Elwood gleefully trotted away. In the end I managed to get them into the big coverall and there they stayed till the Whitley moving truck came and took them to their new home.  I couldn’t get the rope undone from the back of the ATV and told the CEO that if he needed to cut it off, to go ahead. He rolled his eyes in that endearing way of his and walked away.

A couple of days later he walked into the house and said “thanks, you cracked the back rack of my new ATV”.  All I could do was apologize, and yet in my mind I thought, well, how many people can say they get their rack snapped by a jack ass… I will let you take that any way you like.

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